Need You Now
by queerwonderland
Summary: Kara feels alone and Alex is there to pick up the pieces.


I'm feeling really depressed and lonely right now and writing is the only thing I feel I don't completely suck at. Creating this brought me comfort and I hope it helps anyone who might need a little pick me up.

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She was flying. The sky was a breathtaking shade of dark blue, the kind that almost looks like black at first glance but if you stop and stare at it for a while, you realize the true wonder and the infinite possibilities hidden in the depth of endless blue. Kara looked around, seeing lots of bright stars, many of which she recognized as planets she's either been to or learned about during her time on Krypton. After a while, she decided to fly back. She stretched out her arm, preparing to speed back down to the safety of the planet she called home. But she didn't move. She tried again, using even more of her super-strength this time. Nothing happened. Kara panicked. She wasn't flying. This whole time, she hadn't been flying at all. She was floating. Suddenly, all the stars disappeared and the sky turned pitch black. She wanted to scream, but knew nobody would hear her. Once again, she was completely alone in space.

Kara woke up with a gasp. She looked around and panicked when she realized she was surrounded by darkness. She waved her arms around frantically, blindly searching for a source of light, before finally finding the switch. Bright light engulfed the room as Kara came face to face with the very familiar bedroom of her National City loft apartment. She knew she should be relieved that her nightmare wasn't real, but her mind seemed to have a very different plan for her. As if on cue, her breathing became irregular. She closed her eyes, thinking it would help her calm down, but was immediately faced with flashbacks from her oh-so-real nightmare. Reaching for her phone, Kara's shaking hands managed to dial her sister's number. She didn't know what time it was and the last thing she wanted to do was wake her sister, but she truly was desperate. Alex picked up after the first ring. It was almost as if she was expecting her little sister to call.

"Hello? Kara?" said a muffled voice on the other side. Kara knew she had woken her. She wanted to tell her that everything was okay and she should go back to sleep but her weak, trembling voice betrayed her as soon as she opened her mouth.

"A-Alex?" she stuttered, putting her free hand over her mouth to suppress her hitched breathing. She could hear a faint shuffling noise from Alex's side which she knew was her sister getting out of bed.

"Are you home?" Alex asked, sounding nervous.

"Yeah," Kara replied weakly. By then, silent tears were flowing freely down her cheeks and onto her neck, soaking the collar of her blue pyjama shirt.

"I'm coming over. Stay put. I'll only be a few minutes," Alex said, hanging up abruptly.

Kara put down the phone and started rocking herself back and forth. During her first weeks on Earth, doing this always helped her through panic attacks. She used to have them all the time back then. Everything was so different on this new planet she was sent to; noises were too loud, colors too bright, people too "touchy-feely". Sometimes, Kara still panicked. She got scared for no apparent reason and needed to be talked down. Right now was one of those times and all she needed was her sister.

She sat in silence and counted the seconds until Alex came through that door. She even managed to move herself from her bed to the couch, though she didn't really remember how or when she made the journey. Despite her efforts to slow her breathing down, thinking about it made it even worse. That was when Alex came bursting into the apartment.

"Kara?" she said, the concern she was trying so hard to hide etching its way into the tone of her voice. At this point, Kara wasn't able to reply. She couldn't even nod. Alex swiftly abandoned both her bag and her keys on the kitchen table before rushing over to her little sister, trying to work out what was going on. It didn't take her long.

"Kara. Look at me," she whispered. She didn't know if her sister wanted touch, so she held out a hand in hope she would take it. She did. It was a very weak grasp but it wasn't nothing and at that moment, when things weren't all that clear and Alex had very little to work with, a reaction like that was more than enough. Gently squeezing her little sister's hand, Alex could feel cold fingers tremble in her own warmer, steadier ones. She rubbed comforting circles into the blonde girl's palm.

"Kara, try to focus on your breathing," Alex said, becoming even more concerned when she saw her sister was struggling to take a breath. She might be made of steel, but she still needed oxygen to live. Kara calmed down a little so Alex assumed talking to her helped. She could never be sure, because Kara's sensory issues sometimes resulted in her not wanting to be touched or talked to at all.

"You're safe, Kara. Nothing's going to happen to you. Do you remember calling me?" she asked, hoping for some sort of response.

"Y-Yes," Kara said, her voice broken and raspy. Her breathing had finally become a little deeper. Alex let out a relieved sigh as she took her sister's other hand in her own.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" Alex said, a little louder this time.

"I had a d-dream," Kara said, gasping mid sentence, "I was all a-a-alone in space and...and-and..." she started sobbing. Images of her parents dying and her home planet being swallowed up by flames dominated her mind and no matter how hard she tried, she could think about anything else. Alex, on the other hand, had now calmed down because she knew Kara wasn't physically hurt and she was finally inhaling oxygen. Those were two positive thoughts she could latch on to as she comforted her alien of a sister.

"Kara, it's okay..." Alex soothed. Kara either didn't hear her or chose to ignore her because the sobbing only intensified.

"Can I hold you?" Alex asked, a little hesitantly. Relief washed over her when her sister nodded. Alex leaned back on the couch and took the trembling form into her strong arms. She kept one arm around her waist, holding the girl tightly to remind her she wasn't alone. She started running her other hand through Kara's long blonde hair. Alex knew from years of experience that this would definitely calm her.

"Shhh, sweetie," Alex whispered into her sister's ear every now and again. Every word that came out of her mouth hit Kara like a wave of clarity, calming her down slowly but surely until her sobs slowly turned into quiet sniffles. "Everything's okay," Alex said, feeling her sister relax even further. Judging by the sound of the alien's deepened breathing, it became apparent to Alex that she had fallen asleep. She sighed, kissing the top of the younger girl's head. The thought of Kara being all alone in that dream and the knowledge that, to a certain extent, our dreams reflect reality, caused her to hold her sleeping sister even tighter. She slowly drifted off into an uneasy sleep and stayed in that state up until she felt the alien stir in her arms. She watched her rub her eyes and look up at her.

"Hey there," Alex smiled at her sister, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair, wet with tears and stuck to her face, behind her ear.

"Hi," Kara said, clearing her throat. It was morning and sunlight was making its way through the gaps between the drawn curtains. A comfortable silence fell between the sisters, in which Alex continued to run her hand through her sister's hair.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Alex asked tentatively.

"I'm so sorry," Kara replied, her voice laced with pain and hurt.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," Alex said, astounded by what she was hearing.

"I w-woke you in the middle of the night. I shouldn't be f-feeling like this. I'll be better."

"Kara," Alex sighed, hoping her sister would turn and look into her eyes. She didn't.

"I'm just so sorry," she replied instead, her voice trembling.

"Look at me," Alex tried again and this time she was successful. Kara sat up on the couch and faced Alex. Her eyes were brimming with heavy tears that desperately wanted to be set free. "You have nothing to be sorry about. Your feelings are valid," Alex said, hoping her words would sink in. Kara nodded, tears finally making their way down her cheeks.

"I feel so lonely," she cried.

"I know. But you're not alone," Alex replied, her heart breaking at the sight of her sister so distraught.

"Alex," Kara hiccuped, craving comfort from her big sister, just like she used to the first few years she was on Earth. She hated showing her vulnerable side and seldom did, but deep down she knew that even superheroes needed reassurance sometimes.

"I know, honey," Alex replied, biting back her own tears. She held her sister just like she had all those years ago and didn't let go even when her sister's sobs subsided. Kara sat up after a while. She reached up to wipe her tears but Alex grabbed her hand.

"This wise alien once told me that every time that every time you wipe a tear away, a tiny piece of your soul dies," Alex says, half mocking her. Kara looked at her before bursting out laughing, causing more tears to soak her eyelashes and splatter onto her face.

"I'm such an idiot," she replies. They laugh together and somehow, the day seems a little brighter.

"You know," Alex says after a while, "I could call in sick if you want to watch a movie." She smiled when she saw the excitement in her little sister's eyes. She could look at that expression all day long. The feeling she got from seeing her sister smile or laugh was indescribable and virtually irreplaceable.

"I'm g-going to ignore my moronic insight and go wash my face, will you order b-breakfast?" Kara says, her breath still hitching from all the crying, muffled gasps escaping her throat.

"Yeah," Alex smiled sadly. She knew her sister well enough to know that she's going to pretend this never happened. Kara wasn't big on talking about her feelings and when she did, she didn't want to dwell on them.

As soon as Alex ordered breakfast from the bagel place a few blocks away, Kara emerged from the bathroom, face free of tears. She smiled at Alex, sitting down next to her and turning on the TV. Throughout the movie, Alex kept a close eye on her sister. At first glance, you probably wouldn't notice anything out of the ordinary. But if you looked a little closer, you'd see it. Her beautiful blue eyes were slightly bloodshot and heavy with sadness and exhaustion. If you looked deeper into the icy blue, you'd see an old soul stare back at you. You'd see a reflection of a young girl who has seen more death and destruction through those very eyes in her short life time than most people can even imagine. A young girl who has lost just about everything there is to lose, yet continues to carry the weight of infinite galaxies on her shoulders. You'd notice something wasn't right by the hitched breaths and soft hiccups that escaped her throat every few minutes as her body recovered from all the panic and tears. She tried to hide all of this, but Alex saw right through her perfectly constructed guard.

The agent reached over and tapped Kara's shoulder. As soon as she turned around, Alex opened her arms with a soft smile. Kara sighed and leaned into the embrace.

Feeling the alien's heart beating at a normal pace and her warm breaths coming in regular intervals was all Alex needed.

"I love you so much, sweet little sister," Alex whispered, kissing her temple. "You're not alone."

"I love you," Kara replied, closing her eyes and letting her sister's heartbeat lull her to a much needed sleep.

Alex waited a few minutes before finally letting herself cry. Seeing her sister so upset crushed her heart into a million tiny pieces. Although she was relieved that they survived the night, she was painfully aware that Kara's battle with her demons was far from over. Burying her face in the crook of her little sister's neck, Alex suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to hold her and never let her go.


End file.
